Wherein She Climbs a Hill

Last night, as my daughter and I set out to walk some hills in the 'hood, she says,

"I love exercising!"

Yeah, she said it in that exclamation pointy way.

And that there...that one statement, solidified in my mind that she was indeed switched at birth.

So, from here on out she's going to be known as Alien Child, because I don't know whether it was the fault of the hospital or some alien switcheroo, but that just isn't a statement you hear uttered much in this household.


I'm not prone to pursing exercise for the sake of exercise. Oh sure, I go through spurts where I realize the importance of exercise as it pertains to living a long life that isn't plagued with illness. But, let's be honest, for many of us it is a chore.

And, I do not like to sweat...it is just way too...moist.

Even someone like me who practices exercise avoidance as if it were an Olympic sport has to admit that the feeling AFTER the sweating stops (and I can breathe again and when my muscles stop  threatening mutiny) is fabulous (sometimes it just takes a day, or five, to realize it).

So, Alien Child and I discussed walking a grueling circuit (it IS TOO grueling, don't roll your eyes ag me) as often as possible, perhaps even tackling an even more wicked hill - the kind that has you gasping your last will & testament into the voice notes on your phone, before your consciousness packs up and abandons your ass (PSA: fall toward the grass when you pass out, it’s a softer landing)(walking with your kids is helpful, because they always have their cell phone and can easily call 911...as long as they've noticed that you’ve fallen behind).

Oh, and get this - you would have thought that physical exertion would have left me plenty tuckered out, enabling me to sleep like a baby. You would have thought that, wouldn't you? Yeah, me too.

 So perhaps we should have a little chat with my body and brain, which were both entirely too restless last night to sleep much. I suspect they are plotting a revolt, planning ways to get out of walking those hills...the lazy asses, all comfortable and cozy in their sedentaryness.

Well, I've got news for you Body and Brain - I'm armed with Advil and I'm going shoe shopping for some kick-butt sneakers that will launch me up those hills like I've got rockets strapped to my feet! (oh, hey, if y'all know of anyone who could actually do that for me, I'd pay handsomely...just sayin'...)

I'll be hitting those hills hard with Alien Child, at least until her real family figures out the switch and comes to claim her. With any luck they'll be even lazier than me and maybe even allergic to sweating. I need her to stick around a bit longer to whip me into shape...I've got a half empty closet to fill up with new clothes and I'd like to buy them in a smaller size, thankyaverramuch.

So, if you don't hear from me in a few days then please send flowers, because I'm probably dead. Otherwise, I'll be back to blog about my progress.
Stay tuned!