Friday, May 18, 2012

Where She Be?

You: "Hey, Alienbody...where the heck have you been? We, your adoring readership, have missed you. We were going to pool our money together and buy you a Starbucks card worth a bazillion dollars just to lure you back to the blogosphere, where we shall breathe a collective sigh of relief  upon your blessed return!"

Me: Oh are all just so dang cute. I'm *sort of* back, but you can still send me that card if you an incentive to go on, since I'm feeling soooooo run down....*cough*cough*

And, "Yes!" a matter of fact I DO have random two sided conversations with myself . Often.

 So, above and beyond the fact that I just don't feel like blogging, I have been somewhat busy.

You see, my son is driving now and while that does not require any busy-work on my part, there is a certain amount of recovery time a parent needs after providing behind the wheel instruction, which happens to involve holding a wine glass full of wine (but sometimes bourbon). Recovery and hooch - the prescription for parents with driving teenagers. However, it makes typing difficult, because I'm not putting the damn glass down.

And then my daughter went and turned 14, completely without my permission. Pretty rude, if you as me! This whole growing up thing should be far more regulated than it is. Leaving it up to biology and nature is just....stupid. There needs to be a review process, forms, inspections, approvals. More consideration should be given to how parents feel about their babies growing up, that's all I'm sayin'...

Surely, you now see why I've been away from the computer so much. Trying times of late, trying...and that wine glass...

In addition to the madness of my children getting all indignant about growing up, I'm well into week two of our remodel. We've been tub and toilet shopping, searching high and low for a vanity, adding in a beautiful sun tunnel to my kitchen because we just weren't spending enough money as it is. Today, should you need me, I'll be camping in Home Depot trying to pick out shower tile and accent trim. While I'm there I should look at flooring and then maybe light fixtures. If you need me, you can probably find me in the garden department curled into the fetal position on one of their display lounge chairs. Oh, be a dear and pick me up a hot dog from the stand out front...would ya? I'll be famished, I'm sure!

Tomorrow morning is the block sale, which starts at 8am. That means we'll have the yard sale barracudas prowling around at 7am. I'm very much looking forward to being offered $1 for an item priced at $5 that is easily worth triple the amount...even used.

Yard sales make me stabby. But I'm doing it because I'm greedy. What? At least I'm honest. I could give the items away to a charity for them to have a rummage sale - I've got some good shit. But, NO. I need the money for all the new stuff I want to buy for my new bathroom so I can make it epically cute and completely freak out my husband.

In all honesty, this is going to be very hard for him. He occupied the tiny master bathroom for oodles of years, had it all to himself while I shared the hall bathroom with the kids. Now he has to share with me. I have baggage...I come bearing stuff...lots of it. Beauty like mine requires an entourage - mousse, make-up, hot implements, smelly stuff...the list goes on. And...I suck at squeezing the toothpaste exactly right. Yup, it's gonna be tough for him....

I'll be gentle, ease him into it. I'm even going to give him one whole vanity drawer to himself and a little nook on the sink top for whatever he wants....I'll mark off his portion once the vanity is installed, I just need to measure his electric toothbrush to see how much space he really needs - he's a guy, it can't be much, right? I'll even leave space for his very own tube of toothpaste...because I am THAT awesome.

And finally, in my health news: my blood test results were exactly where my endocrinologist wants them! Woot! That means we are suppressing any remaining thyroid gland from getting too big for its britches and trying to start this whole cancer business all over again. Nope, you lose, cancer...we've got you under wraps.  I was thrilled because I figured it would mean no more blood tests for a year.

And I was right!!


During my visit yesterday my doctor told me of an annual test I'll need to do to make doubly, triply, quadruply sure there is no cancer lurking in my lymph nodes. Easy peasy...I just go in for an injection on Monday AND Tuesday of next week, THEN go back on Friday for a blood draw (which is doctor speak for feeding the Vampires) and finally an ultrasound of my neck. Since I was doing SO well with my last blood work Kaiser figured they needed to poke and prod me extra good to make up for not seeing me for a whole year. It's kind of cute that they are going to miss me that much (not really). And I read that the side effects *might* mimic the flu. Yay! (soooo not really)

But, I don't care. I rarely experience side effects, so you don't scare me, Thyrogen. AND, I doubly don't care because the Kaiser Vampires won't get their grubby little needle like fangs in me for a whole year!

So, you see, I've been busy. I've taken time out of my whirlwind of a life to fill you all in. And, for your information, no I wasn't because I ran out of wine - it's too early for wine, even for me. But, it did take a long time to write this post because I was rummaging through the pantry for Bailey's to add to my coffee. It appears that I'm out. I now have to add a trip to Costco to my hectic schedule. Sheesh.

Well, the errands and chores are begging to get done. Starbucks called and said they miss me. I said I'd be back as soon as my readers came through with their most generous gift.

p.s. - I just went through my email and found that I totally dropped the ball on guest posts. I have a few more fabulous bloggers lined up that probably think I've forgotten them. Well, I did. But not on prupose.

p.p.s. - Good golly why the hell is my coffee taking so freakin' long to work!!

p.p.p.s. - Do you know where time goes? If so, tell me...'cause I'm going to head it off at the pass and make it my bitch.

p.p.p.p.s. - By the way, several Starbucks cards would work just as well as one collective card. Just sayin'.....gosh, you guys are so good to me. Just send me a quick email if you need my address....


  1. Anonymous10:26 AM

    I have missed you and wondered if perhaps you were hiding in the attic with Nabby. Glad to know that even if you are, you ventured out to get an extension cord for the laptop.

    A. stands for nothin' today

  2. Anonymous10:56 AM

    Well, I am glad to see you back, Melissa, even if only for a peek show. And I totally understand how our children take up lots of our time, and can even drive us to drink. Lol!

    We tried doing a yard sale once and I HATED it! I don’t have the patience to sit there more than 2 hours. And I can’t take the people. So to you I say, I understand about doing it for the money. You go!

    And what a relief to hear that your blood test results were in good shape, phew! I hope it continues on the good path. :)

    Big virtual hugs to you, Amiga!

  3. I'm with Nini. I do NOT do yard sales. I did one once. All the work. All the work. Made $27. The people across the street made $720. NEVER again, I say! Which of course goes against my personal philosophy, "Never say never." But I'm thinking I'm fairly safe on this one.

    O pancakes! My DH gave me a bathroom remodel for our anniversary. I'm supposed to be interviewing contractors but I'm really intimidated. And that was BEFORE I read your post. Pray for me please. And if you're not a pray-er, wiggle your fingers in my direction and think positive thoughts.

    Oh, and I've taught one child to drive and am in the process of #2. #3 is a ways off, thank goodness. I tell the kids to picture a glass of water or wine on the dashboard and to drive so smoothly, nothing spills. Jeepers! It never occurred to me to DRINK the stuff while they drive. Brilliant!

  4. Wait... was I supposed to wait until AFTER the behind the wheel instruction before breaking out the glass of wine? Well, that's all in the past and forgotten. Now I'll crack open a bottle in celebration of your great test results! WooooHooooo!!!

  5. Yay for the vampires having to go on a diet, because I kind of need you here to bother and such. I was starting to think I was going to have to do some secret slaying stuffs, and I really don't have the energy for that. <3

  6. Anonymous9:46 PM

    I am glad to hear that your children have carried on the tradition of torture that you put me through...:0) you even promised me you wouldn't grow up when you were 10, and we all know how that turned out. I am so glad to hear about the good results! Sending big hugs your way

  7. Heh. I suppose I too ought to do an "I'm still alive" post but meh. Can I just link to yours and say it's something like what Melissa said but not really?


    I'm glad you're doing well despite all the added chaos.