Friday, April 11, 2008

Ephiphanies, Stagnation and Flying Dragons

You are no doubt wondering what the heck I’m going to talk about with such an obscure title. I wonder the same thing.

I’ve been meaning to update my blog, but have this jumble of thoughts that keep pushing, shoving and posturing to see who gets to spew forth first. So, I’ll start with the:

Flying Dragon: The only surviving remnant of last night’s dream is a flying dragon. If you’ve ever seen Dragon Tales, then this beast resembled Ord (I think that was his name). It was a bulbous dragon with tiny wings, but it was not cartoon-ish. It was rather fierce looking, at least from a distance since it was circling several hundred feet in the air. I wasn’t threatened or concerned, just in awe…a light bulb moment when I realized, “Hey, this is real.” To be fair I just read a book involving mythical creatures - just not dragons. This dragon signifies something, I just don’t know what. So, let’s move on to the……….

Stagnation: Let’s consider the meaning of this word shall we, because there are two definitions that describe me. #1: characterized by lack of development, advancement, or progressive movement. I’m taking this figuratively. The 2nd description I’m taking literally, #2: inactive, sluggish, or dull. My life feels this way, even though I’ve gone back to school and I’m moving forward. Even though I have a happy, busy and extremely fortunate life with my husband and children….I feel like I’ve lost my luster. I’m translucent, just sort of fading away. I often think that there must be gypsy blood in my ancestry. I have this wanderlust (my favorite word) and this constant need to do something new or different and travel ANYWHERE. But I don’t do these new and different things. My life revolves around impacting my family as little as possible. To what extent, I wonder? I do have some thoughts on why I’m disappearing, but for now they are better left un-typed. We then come to my second favorite word……..

Epiphany: Me thinks y’all need another dictionary lesson. “A comprehension or perception of reality by means of a sudden intuitive realization.” I need one. I’m even willing to buy a black market Epiphany if it will help get me out of my slump. I’ve had mini-E’s recently, but they’ve been all floppy and limp and useless. Or, maybe it’s me that’s floppy and limp and unable to put them to use. Sheesh…..So, one of my mini E’s did do me some good. I’m a little weirded out about taking 3 classes, I’m not sure I can handle it. The very first week I’m already trying to talk myself into dropping a class. My Rational Brain was calculating my laziness and procrastination abilities, along with the amount of work involved for each class. It deduced that 3 would seriously cut into my slacker time. My mommy brain stepped in and threatened a time out…WORSE…it threatened to take Starbucks away! Rational brain is a bad influence, Mommy brain keeps saying that I will never, ever, ever squash those bad habits if I keep giving into them. So, I think that I need a trip to Starbucks to think over my going-on-midlife crisis.

Well, there you have it. I’m sort of floundering, but I’m fighting and not willing to give in so easily. This mama is going to keep on moving onward and upward, even if it’s at a snails pace.

1 comment:

  1. Anonymous10:01 AM

    It may feel like a snail's pace now, but when you look back in a few years, degree in hand, it's going to feel amazing, and I'll bet you'll be wondering where the last few years went?