Thursday, October 04, 2012

The Journey of a Thousand Pounds

Ok, it isn't a thousand pounds, but I thought that sounded cool so I went with it.

A half a pound is all that stands between me and my first weight loss goal.

I didn't start out having a "goal". It has just sort of evolved over the last several weeks.

When my stomach pains started, I told a friend I secretly wished for a diagnosis that prevented me from, that I could lose gobs and gobs of weight. Before you think I'm an insensitive jerk to those who DO have diseases like that (and are all around horrible)...I wasn't really serious. I don't want to be sick, it was just my frustration talking.

I've been overweight, to varying degrees, all of my life. Even at my lowest adult weight, which was by no means 'chubby', I would get lots of comments about my derrière. This baby had some serious back - and it keeps following me, I can't shake it!  Yes, I DO think I'm funny.

So when the doctor confirmed Celiac disease, it was like a dream come true...albeit the fractured kind of dream you didn't REALLY want coming true - like something out of a Tim Burton movie.

While kicking myself for uttering such a stupid wish, I did start thinking about my potential for losing weight. This really is a golden opportunity for someone who hasn't been able to follow through on other 'plans'. And really, of all the wishes I've made in my life THIS one got heard. Who's in charge of that, because I have a kick for them, too.

After doing a lot of reading I found that most people with Celiac disease DID lose a lot of weight at first. Woohoo, I thought, I'm on my way to my first bikini in over 20 years!! (and no, really, I'm kidding. There is no way even if I weighed as much as my cat that I'd put a bikini on this body and parade it around in public - that's how black holes and catastrophic events happen...just ewwww). 

My personal catalyst had arrived - I'm finally going to lose the weight.

Now, here I am, 36 days later and I've lost 9.2 pounds. I'm eating a pretty low calorie diet now, because I've yet to really figure out what I can and can't eat. It's a process and I'm still reading and discovering.  I haven't bought any replacement products to fill in the gaps either, because I'm afraid to. If I start doing that, then I'll be adding back in oodles of calories that I didn't need to be eating in the first place. And...I'm sick of being invisible.

If you don't think overweight people are invisible, just ask one. Actually, ask a woman...we are more invisible than overweight men. They'll tell you how they can enter a room with a thinner person and have all eyes trained on that person, never once having a gaze settle upon themselves. I'm a very observant person, I see it all the time. It is as if people have a sensor that detects body mass and prevents optic sensors from pivoting in their direction.

I did the math today. I settled on a weight I want to be and figured that I have 80 pounds to go.  It is a weight that isn't skinny nor thin, but it is achievable and realistic. 

If I choose to limit my consumption of 'replacement' products (as in, buying gluten-free crappy foods), then I stand a good chance of dropping close to half my goal weight in a relatively short period of time. The pitfall comes in the rationalizing - it's something people who struggle with their weight do. For example, I could say, "Since I'm no longer eating bread, I can pile on the sour cream and cheese!" or "Since I'm not eating pasta any more, I'll have double the ice cream."

I'll be honest, I've already been there in the last month. Fortunately, I caught myself doing it and put a stop to it.

I do have to say that I'm disappointed in myself that I needed this life altering diagnosis to stop being an idiot and start taking back control of my own body. I'm not sure when I started thinking that I had little say in the matter. If I didn't have this disease to guide me, I would probably still be lost and I don't know whether to be thankful or angry about it. However, angry just seems like an awful lot of work and a waste of energy, so I'll go with thankful and view this as an opportunity that came when I needed it most.

I don't know whether this will make me visible again, but I'll never know unless I try....right?

First 10 down, 80 to go. I'll be posting my journey here, keeping y'all updated every 10 pounds. Lucky you!


  1. Anonymous3:52 PM

    I'm still on that journey (as you well know). I compensated (and still do) for invisibility by being flashy and loud.

    How much of the invisibility do we bring on ourselves? And no, I'm sure the fuck not blaming the victim here. I'm honestly wondering. When we wear our "slimming" black, or hang back and hesitantly enter a room, because our own neurosis won't let us dress in stripes and charge into a room like we own it.

    May your journey back to visibility also be your journey back to reclaiming, or re-flaunting, your vivid stand-out self!

    A. stands for A loudmouth broad

    1. Excellent point and one that I actually did consider, but didn't write about. There is enough material in that idea to fill an entire blog post. I am sure I bring some of it on myself. I know I do. That is why I don't like going out or to parties and such. I used to, but now I just don't feel good about myself. I can give myself all the positive speak I want and tell myself I shouldn't feel this way, but it doesn't nothing to change how I feel. When I 'feel' that I look good, it shows in my personality. Not leaving the house is a form of hiding. I know that. As you said, this is my *hopefully* last journey toward reclaiming my vivid stand-out self. ;-)

  2. Just stopped by to say I'm on Team Melissa. Hugs to you, my friend!

  3. Good luck in your journey! I love your positive attitude (overall) to the changes you are making. Unlike my husband, whose health is a lot worse, who choses to not make the changes he should because he doesn't want to. Or had decided he does not like certain foods, therefore he doesn't have to eat them. No seriously I've been told multiple times by Hubby that "being an adult means not having to eat anything I don't like or don't want to". I think he is the only person on the planet to get that memo!

    I've been doing Weight Watchers with steady weight loss since April.

  4. You brought up an interesting point. Why do us, women, do that? I guess the look (being slim and that,) is part of our society view as beauty? What happen to the --inner beauty--?
    Having said that, I am happy that you get a control of your body since it means healthier you.

  5. Just so you know, I'm tagging along behind you, hiding in the trees, on this journey. (Yes that's me playing eye of the tiger) <3

  6. Anonymous11:32 PM

    And I plan to tag along with you for the next 80 pounds Amiga. You go girl!

  7. It's interesting because one of the challenges I have with GF products is that they sure do like to replace all the sugary sickly stuff like cupcakes and muffins and cookies whilst rarely providing alternatives for things like dinner rolls or melba toast.

    I mean, it does help that I've never liked sugary stuff anyway. Don't give into temptation! Sounds like a positive change.

  8. I'm with you, lady! You got this!!