Friday, August 31, 2012

My Toaster Is Trying To Kill Me

Yesterday was my first meeting with a nutritionist, we'll call her Nazi Nell, after being diagnosed with Celiac disease. Nazi Nell is rather hateful toward gluten and she's trying to turn me against it as well!

I'd fight her, ya know...because I love my gluten so. Well, I don't love 'gluten' per se - I love when it parades around as cookies, muffins, cupcakes, bread, pasta, Thai food, etc, etc, etc.

I *may* have tuned out Nazi Nell when she started spouting off such nonsense as checking for gluten in my lipstick and medications and when she told me to buy my own toaster so as not to "cross contaminate" and to use the extra super hot melt your dishes setting on the dishwasher AFTER washing the dishes ahead of time...but I DID pay attention when she said there is a difference between being sensitive to gluten and actually having Celiac disease. According to Nazi Nell, gluten is toxic to me. I feel myself mutating as I type. If Batman were real, I'd probably be his next arch nemesis. I'd be Gluta the Horrible, 'cause I'll be extra pissy about my lack of cupcakes and such. At least there isn't any gluten in chocolate. Which is a huge relief and good news for all of you, because it means I won't destroy the whole planet - I'll just make it miserable instead. Misery does love company, so bring me some gluten free treats when you visit and chocolate...preferably with nuts. It will ensure leniency from me. Just a suggestion...

However, the more I read the more it seems not to matter whether someone is gluten sensitive or outright Celiac. Just look at this article. It's especially interesting when she says, "Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology 2006 reported : “43.3% of Celiac Disease patients in our study presented with thyroid involvement.”

From the grave my thyroid is still being an asshole. No doubt it is pissed at me for having it removed and then sliced up for testing. Whatever...jerk.

So, now begins the journey to discover how vigilant I REALLY need to be in order to get better and whether I REALLY need to be that customer in a restaurant who wants to know if the 'steamed' veggies were first par boiled in pasta water.  Being told that the minutest amount of ingested gluten will continue to wreak havoc on my intestines, causing the velvety villi to lay down in protest thus shunning all the nutrients my body needs is a bit distressing. It's really rather rude, because those villi didn't even try to negotiate with me prior to their strike. There really should be laws against this...I have rights,  ya know!!


Thus concludes Melissa's Whine of the Day.

By the way, I'm accepting any and all product suggestions. I'd even be happy to accept product sponsors...I'll taste test gluten free products and review them...out of the goodness of my heart! But, mostly because I love free stuff.

12 comments:

  1. Melissa, did I tell you about that book called Wheat Belly? It must be written by your Nazi Nell. Udi's is a brand at Trader Joes that says it's gluten free. I don't think it's just the gluten, I think it's the genetically modified wheat they are trying to pass as the real wheat product. Anyway, I'm glad you have a label for what is messing with your tummy and can start healing. I'm really anxious to see how quickly your tummy troubles turn around. *hugs*
    ps: i'm glad chocolate and potato chips are gluten free. HELL YEAH!

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    1. You mentioned that you read it. I might have to check it out! I've heard it can take up to a year or more to completely heal, but I already have immediate relief from the pain after being as gluten free as I can these last several days. As for potato chips...I still need to read the label, because 'flavored' chips can have gluten!

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    2. That's ok, the plain ones taste better anyway. Do you have a kindle? Cuz if you do I can lend you my copy.

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  2. I may start eating gluten free in protest of your ugly villi!! However, I may continue with my gluten ways too because I am weak!! Glad that you are having some relief from a very painful condition.

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    1. It's just evil...having to give up gluten. Naan bread, pizza dough, Gyros, french fries, muffins, cookies, cakes, my beloved chipotle sauce. Sigh...but, I feel so much better it is amazing.

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  3. Just read the article. Very helpful, as i know someone with gluten sensitivity. Thanks for the insight.

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  4. It'll be good. Almond flour double chocolate brownies kick ass. Plus? You'll have SO MUCH ENERGY! See you on Everest, lady!

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  5. 1. Gluten Free bread which needs to be frozen generally sucks. Avoid at all costs.
    2. Spelt isn't actually gluten free - be careful of what they tell you!
    3. Kikomman Soya Sauce has never caused an adverse reaction for anyone with celiac disease. They have done tests and the company has issued an official letter about this.
    4. Hoisin sauce, oyster sauce, teriyaki sauce, worcester sauce, British HP sauce (The Canadian recipe is VERY different) and some chilli sauces have wheat in them.
    5. Genius Bread is the best.
    6. Mrs. Crimbles does amazing gluten free baking.
    7. Pretty much every recipe you can think of can be made gluten free if you have the right supplies - there are loads of blogs with great recipes or tips.
    8. Dove's farm is the best gluten free flour.
    9. Corn pasta is generally better than rice pasta because it doesn't get 'gloopy' or harden if you have leftovers.

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    1. Thank you! I tried the Udie's (spelling??) bread and it did suck! I might just skip bread all together, since I don't really need it and REALLY need to lose weight! I found wheat flour in my favorite chipotle chili's in adobo sauce. I was crushed! I'm in California, so not sure we have the same products available to us, but I'll be experimenting. My goal is whole foods and not just seeking out gluten-free prepared foods. I love to cook/bake so this will be an adventure!

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  6. Oh,my heck. What little I know about gluten and Celiac comes from a smart student who did a research report and presentation on the topic-- so shocking what a bit of wheat can do! Your TOASTER? Pasta cooking water? Oh, no. Good luck on this journey, sweet Melissa.

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  7. Where you be, sister? No new posts?? Everything OK?

    I thought you were joking about the toaster and now I am sad. SAD.

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