Sunday, July 29, 2012

Taking the Food Bloggosphere by Storm! Eventually. Maybe.

I got a wild hair to try my hand at food blogging.

I mean, hard can it be, right?

So, when a REAL food bloggers I follow posted a pretzel roll recipe I was on it! No. Problem-o.

Easy peasy. (snort)

And then another REAL food blogger posted a yummy recipe for baked zucchini fries.

BAKED, people...NOT fried. It's healthy!

So, of course, I had to make that, too. Because Saturday is appetizer day. I just declared it, you can borrow the idea if you like. I'm taking it Congress to make it a national weekly event. Stay tuned.

And then I thought (which sometime causes concern of those around me), "Hey, we'll need some dips for the pretzels and zucchini!!"

I'm. Freaking. BRILLIANT. (stay tuned)

So, I proceed to make the pretzels.

Did you know there are, like, eleventygazillion steps to making pretzel buns? Rolls? Whatever the hell they were.
{and, the dishes mount}
{I think I'm suppose to take notes or pictures, right?}

So, the pretzels were mixed and risen and kneaded and molded and risen (again - persnickety stuff working with yeast) and boiled and sprinkled and baked and then...

It was time to start the zucchini - which needed to be washed and sliced and floured and dipped and breaded and baked.
{and, the dishes mount}

Being the organized, coordinated person that I am (it could happen!!), I decided to start the cheese sauce while the zuc's baked. There was only one hiccup, I almost had to tear my daughter away from the television to help, since I failed to thoroughly read the recipe didn't divulge up front how long I needed to stand there CONSTANTLY stirring the sauce. Really, there should be warnings posted at the beginning of the recipe, right next to the ingredients. It's only common courtesy, ya know?

All worked out well, because I'm brilliant and had it all covered. 

So, where was I?
Pretzels - done.
Zucchini - done.
Cheese sauce attempt #1 - Oh...that, well...

Huge fail. Let's not talk about it - what is dead and buried in the garbage deserves to just rest in peace. But, cheese sauce attempt #2 - WIN! Whew...

{and the dishes mount}
{was that the sink groaning}
{pace. too. fast. no. time. for. pretty making}
{how the hell do they do it?}

Oh...wait...HOLD THE PHONE! I forgot about the chipotle ranch dressing that I whipped up for zucchini dippin' -  lickety split - almost like I knew what the hell I was doing. See! Told you I was brilliant. (if I say it enough times, it will make it true...right?)

4 hours later, I had a nice little spread laid out to accompany a home brew beer tasting. My intent for making all this grub was to test out recipes that would allow me to pop into the kitchen, whip up some snacks for an impromptu party and emerge all June Fucking Cleaver to Oooh's and Ahhh's.

I'll get back to y'all on how that idea is working out. Considering how long it took me to "whip up" these two dishes, the damn party would be over before the food was served! I could totally get on board with frozen appetizers and store bought dips. One tray to wash, just throw away the containers...done! Just sayin'....

It's just that making food from scratch is It's one of those attractions that blurs the lines of love and hate. When it works, it's elating. You are Queen of the kitchen and all things culinary and you're sure that Rachel Ray is going to call YOU for a guest appearance on her show.

When it doesn't? You grab your keys and head to the market to gather ingredients for round 2 - cheese sauce still clumped in your hair and egg wash trying on your shoes. But, it's O.K., because even Rachel had her moments. Right?

So, about being a food blogger?

I might look at doing something a little easier like becoming a neurosurgeon or theoretical physicist.

Or, I'll wait until one of my kids becomes rich and famous and can hire someone to clean up after me so that I can play in the kitchen as much as I want, using pots and utensils willy nilly.

And to you, my Food Blogging Peeps, I'm no threat to you (for now, it could happen), so relax and keep doing what you're doing. I'll be watching! (yeah, sounds your tail-feathers, because I'm heading to the market, with my cell phone, "Hello? Rachel...")

p.s. - We're not even going to discuss the pathetic lack of pictures to accompany this post. Who in the hell has the time to take pictures while cooking? Food bloggers aren't human...they just can't be!

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