My behind is behind. There's like a whole cluster of behind happening up in here.
I'd really like to blame my home remodel on my current preference to completely 'check out' of all that is happening in the blogging world, but that's just a big heaping pile of hokum
I don't want to write. Anything. At all. Period.
I'm forcing myself now, which has caused a bit of an uprising in my body - meaning...I've started watering the lawn, written a sentence, emptied the dishwasher, written a partial paragraph while pondering whether I really write 'paragraphs' or not, gotten more coffee, checked on progress of the tile guy (just making sure he's on task, a spot inspection if you will...etc) and then went on search for the coffee cup full of coffee I just made...again.
Anything to keep from being on task.
It's funny how this feeling comes and goes, this desire to write (rare) and not write (increasingly less rare). It proves to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that blogging isn't "my thing". It's showing me that what I'm actually doing is keeping a living journal and allowing people to see it. A distressing revelation, because I'd really like to find "my thing", but it keeps moving and shifting and changing. Rather uncharitable and rude, if you ask me. STAND STILL, YOU 'THING' AND LET ME DISCOVER WHAT AND WHERE YOU ARE! Dammit...
And...that funk that tends to settle upon me? It's back, so it makes hammering out this post even more difficult (I'll need to move the sprinkler soon...more orchestrated distraction coming up...).
So, I finished a book this week.
This random leap is intentional, because saying that I've finished a book will segue into my stating that I'm trying to dig my way out of wherever it is my brain is being held hostage. And just so you know how shrouded in mystery the whereabouts of my imagination is, I struggled to think up words to use in place of 'random'.
And ya know what?
Zilch, nada and...
"I'm sorry, you have reached a thought process that is no longer in service"
So, "random" it is then.
Back to the book, that I read...that took a month. Oy.
Along with my desire to write, my desire to read and keep on task with my reading goal of 40 books this year is in jeopardy of shriveling up and dying in some dark, dusty corner. I'm now 7 books behind my goal, which means that I'll need to read 5 (FIVE.CINCO.1-2-3-4-5) books A MONTH to ensure I stay on pace.
F.I.V.E. Fast reader I am not!
I know this because I log everything into Goodreads. You can find me there under Melissa Aiello. Well, I'm not 'under' her, I AM her. (ha, that thar was a non-funny joke I just made. I have a cold, in my head, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it). So, go ahead and send me a little follow request, or friend request, or whatever the hell they call it there. I'll wait. G'head....
Once we're Goodreads BFF's you'll see that I've read, since January:
A Discovery of Witches
Mockingjay
Little Alters Everywhere
Boneshaker
The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie
The Curse of the Spellmans
The Noose that Strings the Hangman's Bag
There's a Slight Chance I Might Be Going To Hell
Miss Peregrines Home for Peculiar Children
...and lastly, just finished this week...
The Magicians
The last book had me clawing my way through, struggling valiantly to carry on because I'll be damned if I invested THIS much time in it only to give up (again), like I did on _The Good Omen_ (of which I could NOT get through no matter how much I scrapped, clawed and convinced myself it was worth it...it wasn't). I didn't like the characters (I just wanted to smack them) and the story lumbered along like a drunken slug on downers. Y.A.W.N.
So now I'm sitting here writing to you, Dear Reader, during my short break from reading _The Martian Chronicles _ (my tribute to Mr. Bradbury and a blissfully short book that will help get me back on track) and moving the sprinkler around the lawn and all the other chores I'm pretending not to ignore...because...well...I don't really know why.
I suppose it is a way for me to say that I miss my bloggy friends. I miss checking in on BlogHer, but I just can't bring myself to be part of the Chatter. And I haven't been reading or commenting on blogs (except for an occasional here & there sort of thing). It isn't for lack of interest, I dearly do miss the interaction...I'm feeling as if I need to direct my energy somewhere else. Difficult to do, I might add, when you are up to your eyeballs full of funkishness.
So, a little break is what I need (I think), to see where it leads (I hope. Maybe).
I do, though, solemnly swear that I'll catch up on all the posts I've missed from my favorite bloggy friends (thank you, Google Reader, for reminding me exactly HOW FAR behind I am) and to leave a comment to show how much I appreciate your dedication to writing and keeping me entertained...even when I'm in a pewpy mood.
Cheers, peeps! Hugs & {hearts} to y'all!
Lady you are being way too hard on yourself! Why must there be a definate this way or that? Stop stressing yourself to figure it out and do what you want to do when you want to do it! We'll still all be here, even when you don't wanna write or "chatter"... no demands. Burn that book list, and enjoy reading, scrap the blog for a wee bit and write on paper, to yourself! I think your creativity is chained down somewhere, and you won't let it go... which coming from me, well, I'll just go take my own foot out of muh mouth. Point being, Lubs you, take it easy and get better! <3
ReplyDeleteWell...no. It doesn't NEED to be definite one way or the other. And, in reality it probably isn't even close to that. But it FEELS that way when funkishness sets in. As for the book list, I MUST complete this quest. I've spent the last year and a half not pursuing anything, so I feel that having a goal and working toward it and ACTUALLY reaching it are very important to me...for reasons I can't fully comprehend mahself. Meh...I need this cold to go away and this construction project to stop sucking up my soul (and money).
DeleteOh good. So I'm not the only person that goes thru these cycles. Have a great break. Breaks are good. Breaks are necessary. You sound like you've got a bit going on anyway, so why not focus where you want to?
ReplyDeleteI suppose it would be rather rude of me to profess some glee that you get what I mean, but then it means you have The Funkishness, too...and that stinks. Phooey. :-) Thanks for commenting and relating!!
DeleteYou love to read, but you have set a goal that now makes it another chore you HAVE to do. You love to write,(and you are wonderful at it) but you have created this internal pressure that you must BLOG consistently and have turned it into another chore. Add that to your everyday "must do" chores and you don't have the energy or time to have any fun. I think a girls weekend is in order...I's just sayin luv aunty v
ReplyDeleteI think I posted maybe 5 times in May. Bleah. I'm trying to be better about posting in June but yeah. Wow! How many of us November NaBloPoMo kids bit the big one in May.
ReplyDeleteAlso? I'm just as behind on reading as I am on writing. Hence why this comment is a week late.