Monday, November 07, 2011

I think the cat did it...

There is nefariousness afoot in my house and possibly throughout the whole world.

My cats are stealing candy and trying to pin their thievery on me!

That can be the only explanation for all the empty Halloween candy wrappers that seem to appear out of thin air and nestle next to me. If you really concentrate, you can see the blur of cat fur as they plant the false evidence. They must be using some sort of advanced technology that gives them super speed powers, as if they were...{whispers} s.p.i.e.s. (I don't think they can spell)

I think, but can't prove, that they have been surgically altered to have opposable thumbs! How else can they open the wrappers?

I'm on to them though, I just don't know WHY they are doing it. Do you think - maybe - there is some uber rich, candy-holic, evil genius scientist person who is harnessing cat power to feed her addiction?

Yeah, that's what I thought too, but the family doesn't believe me.

Hubby swears that when he kisses me I 'taste of fun size Snickers'. The kids ask me why I smell of chocolate and have caramel in my hair and delectably roasted peanuts in my teeth. It's all so fishy, I mean who says, "You smell like FUN SIZE candy"?

Planted evidence, I tell you!! My family has been brainwashed by the cats with some sort of hypnosis or Inception like brain futzing. That evil genius scientist person is brilliant!

The candy supply is dwindling rapidly, well...I should say that the CHOCOLATE candy is. That seems to be their focus. I don't know what will happen when there is nothing left but Starbursts and Skittles. I fear for my life.

I can't believe that I've been so misguided in my fear of a zombie apocalypse, when right under my nose Catopolypse was forming. Cats turning against us, blaming us to hide their true master.

What if YOUR cat is in on it? Think about it - have you been blissfully engulfed in your book only to discover a pile of snack size Milky Way wrappers in your lap and cat snoozing nearby? Do you find empty wrappers scattered around the keyboard, spilling to the floor next to the computer chair? Or, even near your coffee cup? If so, you might be their next target.

It may be too late for me, but you can still save yourself. The remedy may be to eat all the chocolate first, causing the little minions to move on to the next house. I'm going to give it my best shot - a gal has to do what a gal has to do.

If you don't think you are up to the task, if you don't like chocolate, then please...FOR THE LOVE OF me and I'll help. Our children's future depends on it {o.k. not really, that was just for dramatic effect - but it is really, really important...probably}.

Peace my friends and stay vigilant!


  1. 2 fun size hersehey bars were consumed during the reading of this post....


  2. see? my cat can't even spell Hershey correctly. He is drunk on chocolate.

  3. It seems as though my chocolate is safe, as apparently 4 footed minions don't like chocolates that have been mushed up and nawed on by baby minions. Perhaps it is the drool? But all of my adult beverages seem to disappear when I'm not looking... all I can find are empty cans, bottles and glasses by my desk... this must be stopped! (and I'm blaming the goat, never trust a girl with horns and a beard)

  4. LOL I can't remember when I last had chocolate. I mean it wasn't months ago but it was definitely many days ago. Maybe weeks ago.. You can have my chocolate.

  5. I think your cats are giving my cats tips. And the dogs may be in on it.

  6. This is serious business! Thank you for doing your patriotic duty of alerting your fellow americans! I'm going to go got the chocolate right away! I don't have any cats...but you can never be to cautious!

  7. I'm glad you uncovered this plot. I saw one of the cats chasing a wrapper across the floor. They must be stopped. I'll distract them with tuna, grab the chocolate and run... If you don't hear from me within 24 hours, call Willy Wonka...

  8. I'm on it! I have no cat, but my neighbours do. Are they to blame for my mysteriously dwindling supply of fun-sized candy, and equally mysterious bits of chocolate in the corners of my mouth? Sneaky buggers, they are!

  9. Never underestimate the power of our furry friends, for cat food is no comparison to chocolate and I'd be forming a coup if I were them!