Saturday, November 05, 2011

Get off my Island!

I recently watched Off Limits, a show on The Travel Channel.

The host is Don Wildman , the show's bio page begins as such:

"Explorer and history buff Don Wildman is delving into the forbidden, hidden and unseen spaces across America."

I might have had a little mini personal orgasm reading that. It isn't the host (although, truth be told Donny boy ain't the least bit hard to look at *fans self*), it is the idea of what he is doing and where he is going to do it.

F.O.R.B.I.D.D.E.N places people!! (ya know, I'm going to pick shorter words next time I decide to use so many damn periods)

There are a plethora of travel shows, many of which I watch: Anthony Bourdain, Andrew Zimmern, That's About All I Can Think Of (which isn't really a show, but apparently I don't watch a multitude, just two - who knew? It felt like a plethora).

I love seeing the countryside, the people and especially the food. But often they don't venture into "Off Limits" places, those havens that are sheltered from the cruel outside world. be allowed to go, because be very appreciative and would leave it exactly as I found it.

I am awe struck by architecture, as well as dumbstruck by lore and histories.

Donny Wildman (o.k. so that HAS to be his T.V. name) is leading MY life!


The one and only show I watched showed him paddling out in a canoe to see a graveyard of tugboats in a desolate section of the New York waterway. That just SMACKS of sweaty work. The man has a CREW of people, fercryinoutloud, he couldn't have someone else row the damn boat?
Or better yet, something with a motor?

I'm not opposed to sweat (maybe a little), or dirt (as long as it isn't really dirty poo kind of dirty dirt) or scary places (I'm good with those...mostly), but I AM opposed to itty bitty boats floating upon the ocean and looking like one big ass seal to a Great White. Big boat, even bigger motor...THEN I'll go. Otherwise, I can see the boat graveyard with a telescope from the shore.

Then Donny Boy went to visit Governors Island (in a big boat - I might start loving him again) and the battlement that never saw a war. Spectacular brickwork and arches that I could have wandered through for HOURS! One island had a small town, something right out of a historical movie - or maybe something historical movies are BASED on, either/or. It was originally a naval base, but no one can visit now, it sits unappreciated. You hear that, City of New York? Another island housed a very dilapidated structure that was once a grand looking castle, built and owned by an arms dealer...I believe. I forget the details, I was engrossed in the the structure and detail, not all the other stuff.

Then he went to an island that housed a hospital that housed smallpox patients at the turn of the 20th century. The history is gory and horrible and makes your heart hurt for the dismal environment the patients were forced to live in. But oh, what a feeling it must have been to stand among the ruins of this hospital.

I could probably go on and on, but I can't remember any more of the show.

I'm afraid to check the DVR for fear I haven't recorded any more episodes. But, it is a new show and as is with all new shows they tend to play the same episodes over and perhaps I'll be able to see MORE places I'm not allowed to go! Isn't that awesome! {not really...about the not being able to go part, not the watching}

Golly, people...there is such a ginormously giant world out there and so much to explore.

Do you think the world is at explorer capacity?

Do you think I have a chance?

I'm not afraid of snakes like Indiana Jones was. Oh...and don't ask me who he was, 'cause if you have to ask...{eye roll}

I don't FULLY believe in ghosts or the Yeti or Bigfoot. I believe monsters are real, but that they are human - our news is full of I'd make a perfect explorer, since I'm a natural skeptic!!

BUT...since I am not one to hold to 'absolutes', I am also able to explore with an open mind.

I am a full package, people!! Why isn't the Discovery Channel or TLC or The Travel Channel knocking down my door? They don't even have to pay me (...much, it's negotiable).

So, while I wait for them to beat a path to my door (oh, mental note to have Hubbypants mow the lawn) I will live vicariously through Donny, until the day comes when he'll be blowin' up my phone to tag along on my OWN f.o.r.b.i.d.d.e.n. adventures. (O.k., did we NOT just discuss all the little periods and shorter words?)

Just so you know, Don Wildman, I'm married. Just thought I'd give you a little time to come to terms with your loss.

How about you, Dear Reader? Are you up for adventure? Or are you an armchair explorer (not that there's anything wrong with that)? If so, are Off Limits/Forbidden discoveries your idea of fun or, perhaps, something else?

I'm listening......(said in my bestest Frazier voice - dude, DON'T even say you don't know who Frazier is - *double eye roll*).



  1. Oh I am so right there with you!! I think it would be amazing to get to get to go explore forbidden places! If there is yummy food then that is a pimp extra!!
    I would LOVE to explore a pyramid! I would be freaking myself out expecting a mummy to pop out and attack me. lol I would make a hilariously retarded Explorer because I would be exploring some ruins and A)Keep tripping cause I'm clumsier than crap or B)Yelp loudly at every loud noise (cause those happen alot while exploring places lol) cause I keep imagining vampires/zombies/ghosts going to attack at any second!! lol Sounds like an awesome job! Sign me up!! lol

  2. Sammi - Every Explorer needs a posse, right? Me, I'd be the one racing toward the sound to see what made it! We'd make a good team! :-)

  3. Lol heck yeah!! That sounds awesome!! Now we just need someone to pay us to have an adventure show!! lol

  4. "Forbidden, Hidden and unseen places" I truly thought we were speaking about my closet, or my bank account. *snort*

    But do let me know when you get that show of your's as I'm currently submitting for a waiver from adventures, and I'd be quite hppy to watch your's from the safety of my couch! ;p

  5. Yes, adventure, please. Just so it isn't over 2,500 feet in elevation 'cause of this little altitude sickness problem.
    I'm not scared of spiders or snakes, though, if that counts for points.

  6. Hahahaha! I love adventure shows! Except Andrew Zimmern. I can't do it, man. He is awesome, but some of the food he tries *shudders*. Also? One of my favourite places to be is out on the ocean in a wee little kayak far from shore. Like a drop of water on a drop of water in the middle of the wide world. Great feeling there :)
    So, yes, adventure! As long as it doesn't involve any caves or small, dark, confining spaces. I would scream. A lot.