Friday, September 09, 2011

I'll be ready, will YOU?

My intent, when I stopped at the gas station, was just to put in a few dollars worth (which, would probably only amount to a 1/4 of a tank) when it dawned on me that I could be risking my life by doing that.

I could be making an easy meal of myself for some creature should a Zombie Apocalypse suddenly occur.

I've seen Zombieland - the threat may be improbable, but science doesn't know everything ya know! It only took like HOURS for everyone to get eated - I'm not willing to risk being a Zombie snack!

So, I'm always thinking, always scheming on how I'd get out of a situation.

You can NEVER be too prepared.

There I was at the gas station debating whether to fill 'er up when I realize that should Zombies attack, I will need a full tank...

Because (as learned from Zombieland):

Rule #1: My cardio training is in the toilet. I can't outrun them, but I can certainly out drive them. I think. They didn't drive in the movie, so I'm hoping the real life Zombies can't either.

Rule #2: I've only handled a gun twice in my life, so double-tapping is iffy...unless it's the side of a barn, of which I 'might' be able to hit it. I've decided that I need some target practice, so I'll be hitting up a friend for some pointers. It's also a chance to scope out where he keeps his arsenal - so I know where to drive (not run) when the shit hits the fan - and hope that he hasn't turned into a Zombie before I can get my hands on his equipment....GUNS, his GUNS...don't be crude, people!

There are many more rules and I've already put them into practice, especially defending myself while in a public bathroom stall. Inevitably some kid belonging to the woman next to me is going to poke his/her little head under the partition and try to sneak a peek at me (which, could be perceived as trying to eat don't know, the apocalypse might start with little kids...could happen).

My intent of this post is a Public Service Announcement, to get you thinking and planning - no one knows when we'll be beset by Zombies.

Stay alert - know the exits.

Start with a full tank of gas, at all times. And if you can't shoot worth beans, then you can at least run them over.

You're welcome for this advice - we survivors have to stick together (rule #29: The Buddy System).


  1. This is getting shared! Google+, Twitter, Facebook - I'm on it! We need to be prepared for imminent zombie attack! (Or, at the very least, we need to laugh our asses off.) Great post!

  2. Hahaha - thanks. Well, a friend suggested that I just head north during the apocalypse and pick her up on my way to Canada (which, I believe she feels will be immune). I have the gas, she has the snacks...ROAD TRIP!

  3. I wonder if zombies can survive a Canadian winter? I think target practice is essential and a good stock pile :)

  4. You forgot one very important rule though! Stockpile the booze NOW! Also the 5th Avenue chocolate bars! I just know that 5th Avenues will be the new form of currency after the apocalypse...