Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Specter of Doubt

Why is it that so many of us live under a shroud of doubt. Why do we...o.k. mainly me...constantly not only doubt our own judgment, but the judgment of those that love us the most, that being our girlfriends. one loves you more than your family. I'm talking about another kind of love that is shared between close friends.

I have friends that praise my writing abilities and how I can communicate via the written word as if I were actually speaking them. Maybe it's a true talent, maybe not. If you read my previous blog you'd know that it's hard for me to accept that I do it well, especially well enough for anyone OTHER than a friend to enjoy. Why? I don't know the answer to that. I guess I'm afraid of confidence. How strange is that?

While driving to a lunch date today with my girlfriend N, she showed me a dress that she wanted to return to
Nordstrom. I had not seen the dress on her, but I could tell by the style and color that it would have been fabulous on her. She bought the dress with another longtime friend who thought it fabulous, her husband and son thought it was why then was she returning it? You could almost see it hiding behind her, that shadowy specter of doubt whispering in her ear that she looks ridiculous, that she's just trying to look young and everyone is just humoring her by saying it looks great. What makes us think that we alone are the only true judge of what is right for us? What makes us cast aside five, ten or a hundred affirmations for one, our own, negative thought?

I can't say that I'll change overnight, but I have to learn to trust that my friends, my real true friends, will be honest with me whether it's about an ability I have or that they can't believe I actually left the house wearing those pants. I have to think that they will encourage me to be whatever I want to be all while helping me nail up a full length mirror.


  1. You really tell the truth!! We are all so like that. As for being the owner of the aforementioned dress, I can only say I did not return it!!!!

  2. I had a similar conversation with someone recently. Why is it that we will easily believe the negative things, but not the positive?