And yet, I don't.
I'm restless for something new.
And then again hesitant to give up the now.
Hubbypants and I bought our house in 1992, just a few short months after we got married. It's a fine house, just big enough (except when I go to to clean it and the 1,600 square feet suddenly feels like 4,500). It is in a fine neighborhood with the most wonderful neighbors (who have become good friends) that person can wish for.
And yet....I'm restless for change.
I never expected 19 - almost 20 - years to happen so fast.
Spending that much time in one place is...well...a long time.
I am not the type to become sentimental about my home, maybe because it isn't really the home I wanted. It was the home that 'worked' for us at the time. I don't have an attachment because my kids grew up here or because it was the first home we bought. I'm just not wired that way. The idea of "laying down roots" has never been a big deal to me.
That isn't to say I wouldn't be sad...I have spent almost 20 years here and I'm not heartless toward this house, there ARE memories here. I can't take the wall with me that has the pencil marks to measure the kids height, but I can take a picture of it. And those memories? Those I can take with me, too. I would miss my friends and neighbors and the close bonds we've formed.
Hubbypants and I would sometimes wonder if it would be easier to sell our house and just rent, putting him much closer to work, thus avoiding the dreaded Silicon Valley commute traffic. Renting would enable us to be more spontaneously mobile, if an opportunity presented itself. I'm not delusional, I know renting has its own set of hazards. There are many pros & cons to this idea. But, we've contemplated it. It just sounds so...free.
I'm a ponderer...I just wonder and contemplate and think...WAY TOO MUCH. And I'm pondering if this is the city I want to grow old(er) in. A friend of mine has already sold their family home and downsized - giving up the house and yard for a condo with a deck. It may not be the last time they move, they are still putting their retirement plans into action. Another friend and her husband are already discussing future plans of selling and moving to San Francisco - big city life, instead of sprawling, massive suburban living.
Hubbypants and I? Well, we have no plans. And that bothers me. And thus the itch and desire to scout out new territory and discover a plan for the future.
Would I uproot my kids at this point in their lives? Yes. I would. Would I uproot myself? Give up the relationships and familiarity I have here and now? Yes. I would. Would I second guess the decision and worry and fret? Yes. I probably would.
But isn't that par for the course with change? Of course it is. It is what makes change both frightening and exhilarating!
We've talked about moving...but we've never done so with any seriousness or real drive. This is just me wondering and pondering where our future is leading us. I'm afraid that if we don't start seriously looking into our wants and desires for our later years that we'll just stick to the status quo. Maybe there isn't anything wrong with that. We're in a fine place and there is nothing preventing us from being happy here.
But is this the 'here' that we really want for the rest of our lives? Do we want to discover our ideal 'here' later, when we are older? Or do we want to scout it out now, while we, and our kids, are younger and more resilient to change - and better able to recover if things don't go as planned?
You see? THIS why I should probably find a day job - to keep my mind otherwise occupied and prevent it from lapsing into mental wanderlust, thus sparking a desire for adventure.
Dangerous thoughts, don't ya think?
What do you think?
Do you have a plan for your future?
If so, have you started putting it into play?