Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Just Watch Me

Last night I hauled out a folder FULL of those "You are best suited for..." tests.

You know, the personality tests you answer falsely because you don't want to seem like a total moron destined to forever be the greeter at Wal-Mart?

Well, I completed several of them for a class I took at the community college.

I am, according to Myers-Briggs, an INFP.

See...more confirmation of how un-MILF I am.



INFP is: Introversion, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving.

That's me.

But only moderately so.

Seems I can't even commit to wholeheartedly being...um...me.

Myers-Briggs also gives me suggestions on jobs. It seems that, as an INFP, I'm 100% suited for Arts/Design/Entertainment/Sports/Media.

In other words:

Artist - um, nope. These people obviously have NOT seen me draw. Or paint. Or use clay. No, I should NOT be left alone with clay.

Coach - Unless it is coaching peeps on how to be the best couch sitting slacker ever, then probably not a great choice of careers for me. However, if a job opens up as I've described above, then let's talk....

Musician - Woo, almost hyperventilated from laughing so hard. I'm ok...no need to call 911 anymore.

Reporter - Oh, this could be fun! "The alleged robber...wait, really...let's call a spade a spade...the jerk-face isn't allegedly anything...he's a total douche and robbed the bank. Next up, weather with Crystal and her new boobs at 11:00" Well, it would be honest reporting!

Next up at 75% suited is Education, Library Service and Training. Well, I do LOVE libraries and books. The other two, not so much.

71% suited: Personal Care and Service - as in, Lodging Manager (does this have to do with incarcerated folk, like...prison guard? WTF does it mean?), personal trainer (hmm...perhaps I should give more consideration to helping people tap into their personal slothy-ness), hair dresser and child care provider. Yeah, um....no.

69% (giggle - oh, like you didn't think the same thing...really) suited: Health Care support. Let's just skip this, 'cause it involves touching people, or their junk or...shudder-gag-choke...bodily functions.

68% (The "what is the speed of sex?" joke just popped into my head. No, I'm not going to say it, because I'm not THAT juvenile. Ok...so I AM, but still...I'm not doing it) suited: Community and Social Services.

The list goes on until 20% suited and it wouldn't surprise anyone here to know that being a Pilot, Air Traffic Controller or Freight Handler is best left to everyone else on the planet but moi.

Back to the speed of sex...um...I mean 68%.

In my opinion, and since it is myself that I'm evaluating here, I feel that I AM...indeed & totally...suited for Community work or some sort of Social Services.

BUT...as is typical of me, there is often a "but"... not the typical sort of Social Worker sort of job.

I'd hate working in an office.

A social worker came to visit my family to discuss care options for my father-in-law during his recovery from a fractured hip. Very cool job.

I could totally see myself doing something like that.

Or, working with young people to connect them to opportunities, services, etc...to offer them new choices other than a life of bad decisions based on lack of hope.

I read an article about a woman who worked on several Native American reservations to help women - young and old - break the cycle of fetal alcohol syndrome, increase literacy and help them meet their nutritional needs. Very, very cool job.

But here's the thing (I'm "but"-ing again), I think I'm both too soft (meaning I'll cry a lot) and too critical (as in, "Put on your big-girl panties, cut the crap, get your ass together and stop feeling sorry for yourself!"). Sort of - because I'm really very compassionate and I know that sometimes the things that happen to us are out of our control and help is needed to dig oneself out.

It remains to be seen as to what I will do with my life.

I have not ruled out Gypsy. I've even started designing my own wagon...which I vow to own one day, even if it just sits in my back yard.

I believe I am best suited to the role of World Domination Specialist. I am great with people and would be a fabulous boss to my many minions. I'd benevolently rule the planet in my red shimmery tranny boots (I have big feet, tranny boots are a good choice - plus they are just awesome), silver beadazzled cape and a blindingly sparkly tiara.

I'd dress all my minions the same, just like Mr. Gru from the bestest movie ever, Despicable Me.

I'm going places.

Just watch me.


  1. Anonymous10:28 AM

    Do we have to just watch? Can we sign up now to be minions?


  2. Aliesha - you need not even apply, you is a shoe-in, baby!